Fuck appropriateness.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
