Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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