Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
