In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
