A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize