You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
