yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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