he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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