do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
