I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
