May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
farters have to be the big spoon...
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
