i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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