Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Farmville is her only friend.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
