Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
