Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
