Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize