Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize