Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
