perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
