You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
