FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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