I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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