You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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