tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
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