so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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