Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
