i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
