well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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