so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
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