A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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