i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
