I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
