Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize