I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
