Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
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