Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize