Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
