No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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