he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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