I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
