so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Randomize
