Pants 0. Shit 1.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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