True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
