hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I have grass duct taped all over my body
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
