There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Randomize
