Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
