We're like a lot better than the average bears
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
