no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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