Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
