oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
