i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
