I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
