I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Randomize
