Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
