there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
