Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
