My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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