shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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