You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
