well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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