The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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