I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Randomize
