Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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